Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Confirmed: Real Life is a Simulation

The world is coming to terms with the discovery that everything we have ever known is only a simulation in some tremendous computer system. To be honest, I am not even sure why I am writing this article or even if it is me writing this article.

A Coved Streetscape

 Where is the Cheatbook?


Physicists found out the unpalatable truth while trying to create the Higgs Boson. Last Wednesday after racking up the particle speed to number eleven on the dial, an amazing thing occurred: the resulting particle trails spelled out, “Congratulations, you have now reached level 2, use your hidden charm lance and sword of strangeness with caution.”  

The amazing design we see in nature is now explainable, but it leaves the question of what is the ultimate reality? Is our universe on the hard drive of some computer geek, or even worse, on some spotty teenager's Nintendo Wii in a higher universe?

Further particle trails have revealed that our Universe is a game called Ultimate Simiverse. The big bang was just the last time the game was started. Because the “electronic” computations are occurring so fast in this game, the thousands of millions of years that have passed in our time-stream are only a couple of hours to our gaming masters.

Long meetings between politicians and scientists have produced a new theory of life. We are advised to be careful when we suspect that we are experiencing contrived events. Oh, and by the way, they suggest that we  try to be as interesting as possible so that our universe is not turned off. 

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